Is the Church of Ziontology godless?

The Church of Ziontology is perceived by many as a godless religion. That may be true, in the strictest sense, but it is nevertheless superficially a rather heartless and offensive assessment, in my opinion. Although it is true that Ziontology never specifically states in the Holish Scriptures that there is or there is not a god, it is self evident to the average Ovulating Zetan that there is indeed an all powerful non-existential Post Modern God that underlies all Triality. Of course, God’s powers are truly transcendent beyond the infinite. Indeed, God can do anything, both imaginable and unimaginable with respect to our finite comprehension of His Triality.

For example, the other day, I was on a walk with my Fnord, and He once again further revealed His truth to me regarding His own existence and the origin of our universe. I promptly sat down on the sidewalk, pulled out my sacred black peppermint flavored permanent felt tipped magic marker pen and began to take copious notes on my forearms and forehead, etc. He explained to me that He does in fact not exist, never has, and never plans to. He also pointed out with a chuckle that He himself is technically a de facto atheist. Then He straightened up, ripped His own head off, and then described it as an obvious corollary of His own peculiar ontology. I asked Him if that was not a fatal flaw and logical contradiction, and He answered in the affirmative. I then asked Him if that was not an issue that should be further addressed, and He pointed out that stuff like logical phallusies are just not an obstacle to infinite power, and therefore is not relevant to the discourse at hand. I am not sure what He was going on about there, but He did assure me that it was all totally true.

He then commanded me to stay focused, and He then revealed to me that He had nothing to do with the creation of the universe, and that it was apparently already there when He first started noticing it, some time ago. He said that He would not have created such a thing, and that He never would have any use for a universe in the first place, and the whole thing probably just started as a low probability random quantum zero point energy fluctuation that eventually evolved on multiple levels to become what we see today. He said he was not sure about that, but it seemed likely, and added that He did not really much care one way or the other.

He told me that He thought recursive autocatalytic reactions were by far the most cool thing that came out of the whole spiel so far. But He thought that the related biological evolutionary processes that He had observed taking place for one heck of a long time now was also pretty nifty. He said that He was generally pleased with how things were unfolding, except for the Neocons in the Republican Party, and the horrid state of affairs at FOXNews. He said that He really liked www.theonion.com and www.ziontology.com, but other than that, the Internet was basically a snore. He thought that Christopher Hitchens was pretty good in the past, but that he really needs new material. He recommended that Hitch spend some time with Chomsky (peace be upon him) to get some new schtick.

He then commanded me to let you all know about it. So there you have it.

- X. Con Buzzard